Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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