That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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