I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
