I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize