I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
