Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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