I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
