Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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