I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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