Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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