I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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