Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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