i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize