Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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