I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
