"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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