Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize