I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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