dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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