Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
