I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
