i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize
