Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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