if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
