Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
