I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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