i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
