Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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