garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
