Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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