Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
