Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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