she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
