YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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