she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
