Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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