awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize