i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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