we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
