Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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