i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
