shes about as inviting as chlamydia
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He did a backflip because drugs
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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