just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You are the jesus of drinking
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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