im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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