I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
