I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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