I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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