I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Congratulations! We have a period
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
