Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
