So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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