I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
