There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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