Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
