I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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