I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
