Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
