Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dick very happy bro
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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