i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
