the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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