ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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