Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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