I seem to have left my pride at pride
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
