ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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