Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
