I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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