so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
