I just made out with a guy for $7.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
