sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
