Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
