Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
