I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
