Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
