I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
