"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want nice things and good sex
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
