Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
